You may think you own a dog, but chances are good that it’s the other way around. On behalf of dog lovers everywhere (and the canine kings and queens they serve), I’ve put together this list of six ways to know if your pooch has the upper hand in your relationship.
1. You spend little on yourself, but with your dog, the sky is the limit.
Though you stay in a bargain hotel, you put your dog up in the hottest boarding facility in town. Price is of little issue when it comes to your pup’s happiness. In fact, you booked the canine suite with the TV and raised bed at doggie daycare and even arranged a spa day for him. And style? Your dog is way more fashion forward than you are. She’s always dressed to impress: matching collar and leash (with a little bling), plush carrier and perhaps a themed outfit on occasion.
2. Your free time is focused on your pooch.
Is your day entirely scheduled around your dog? And when you finally do get a little time to spend with friends and family, do you take your dog along? Thought so.
3. Your dog gives you commands to follow.
He rings the bell on the door or scratches to go outside, usually for his own walking entertainment and rarely to simply do his business. Or when the dog brings you a leash, you go for a walk. Essentially, with the ring of a bell or playing the adorable leash routine, your dog has taught you to take him where he wants to go.
4. The only one getting beauty sleep is your dog.
At night, you occupy a tiny sliver of the bed because your dog (or multiple taken over the mattress sweet spot. You’re practically on the floor, but you don’t move because you don’t want to disturb one minute of your pup’s blissful rest. It doesn’t matter that he’s already slept 14 hours that day and you’ll be lucky to snooze for four.
5. You have to spell out certain words.
You regularly say “W-A-L-K” and “D-O-G P-A-R-K,” because if you pronounce the words normally, your pooch will get overexcited and then you’ll feel like you’re letting her down if you don’t take her out. You also spell out your dog’s name when you talk about anything negative, such as “S-T-E-L-L-A’s annoying barking,” to avoid hurting her feelings.
6. You spend more time managing your dog’s online presence than your own.
Bella and Baxter have their own Facebook accounts or, at the very least, their photos are your profile picture. And let’s not forget Twitter and Instagram. A pup’s got to get in on the #tbt and #dogsofinstagram trends, obviously. There’s more: Christmas cards with you on it? No way. Most people have no clue what you’ve looked like for the past 10 years because your cards feature your dog looking festive. And when a friend you’re meeting for lunch asks to see a photo of your boyfriend? You can’t seem to find one. But you do have about 1,000 pictures of your pooch.
We are all devoted to our pets and guilty of many of these things, but if all six of these scenarios seem familiar to you, you know that your dog has you wrapped around his paw.